Willpower
by Green3
Summary: Xander/Ripper during Band Candy. *This has to stop, he knows. It's all a question of willpower.*


Title: Willpower  
  
Author: Green  
  
Pairings: Xander/Cordelia, /Willow, /Ripper(Giles)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Feedback: beingagreenmother@yahoo.com   
  
Summary: AU Band Candy. This has to stop, he knows. It's all a question of willpower.  
  
A/N: I blatantly stole dialogue from BtVS. Thanks to Circe for the quick beta, and especially for correcting my tense slippage. Thank you to Jane Davitt for looking over my Ripper-speak. And, as always, to Beamer.   
  
***  
  
Sometimes he wonders what exactly makes him want Willow, when they had been best friends for so long, without a single hormone kicking in and taking over. He ponders it, the reason that could make him cheat on his gorgeous girlfriend and betray the friendship he had found in Oz. He mulls it over as Willow's leg grazes his under the table. No one's looking, so he glances at her face. She's beautiful when she's playing at being bad. There's a look on her face that he can't quite place, beyond the shyness and the excitement and the shame. Love, for him? Or is it want?   
  
As a teenaged boy, he knows want intimately. He thinks about sex constantly, and his cock can harden (and does) in what seems like milliseconds at the nearness of a female. Any female, actually; his cock isn't picky. This morning had been particularly bad. He had an erection when he woke up, so he took care of the problem. He had a brief memory of Willow in formal wear, closely followed by the thought of Cordelia in a cheerleading uniform, and so he jacked off again before leaving the house. Once at school, he got hard at the scent of Buffy's shampoo and had to shift his books in front of his crotch so he wouldn't be found out.  
  
Right now, he's hard as a rock, and Willows leg stroking his isn't helping the situation any.  
  
He munches a little faster on his chocolate bar. It's good, sweet. He babbles. "I like chocolate." Willow looks at him, and he wonders how stupid it really is to state the obvious, but he really does need to be saying something. "There is no bad here." Right. Don't count playing footsie with your attached-to-Oz best friend ... with your attached-to-Cordelia foot.  
  
"You still have some left?" she asks. "'Cause I went to, like, four houses and they were gone. It's like Trick-or-Treating in reverse." She smiles at him, and it's a sweet Willow smile, coupled with that want. He's wanted. Somehow that want is doing something more than the leg is.  
  
"I know. These things are selling like hot cakes ... which is ironic, 'cause the hot cakes really aren't moving ..."  
  
It's inane chatter, and it means nothing except that they're trying to cover up what they feel, what they think they want but can't quite figure out.  
  
"And it's, uh," he clears his throat, "fun to sell chocolate."  
  
The thrill of doing what they shouldn't is probably more at fault for their attraction than anything, and Xander is starting to realize this. It's wrong; it will really hurt Oz and Cordelia if they find out, and he can do absolutely nothing to stop it. He feels powerless, as if he's under some thrall, or has a magnetic draw to Willow. This has to stop, he knows. It's all a question of willpower. One of these days he's going to find a little of that.  
  
"And we're raising a lot of money for the band," she points out, rubbing his leg all the while.  
  
Xander looks straight ahead at the backs of Cordelia and Buffy, worried they'll be caught, thrilled that they're getting away with it, ashamed that he's thrilled. He looks back and forth between Willow and his candy bar, then continues to babble, "The band. Yeah. They're great. They march."  
  
"Like an army," Willow agrees. "E-e-except with music instead of bullets, and ... usually no one dies."  
  
Cordelia suddenly turns around and faces them. "I can't believe this!"  
  
Their legs separate as quickly as possible, and they wear their guilt plainly in their expressions. Luckily, Cordelia is oblivious.  
  
"Where is Giles already? I'm bored, and he's not here to give me credit for it."  
  
Xander can't really think. He thinks it may be because all of his blood is either in his cock or heating his face.  
  
Buffy looks at the classroom door, vaguely worried. Time passes and Giles still doesn't arrive, and Xander wonders what's going on. It isn't like Giles to be late for anything, let alone something scholarly.  
  
Mrs. Barton enters the room and claps to get the students' attention. "Hey! We're all stuck here, okay? So now let's just sit quietly and, and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure that old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!" She grins, and the class is in awe.  
  
"Does anyone else want to marry Mrs. Barton?" Xander asks.  
  
"Get in line," Cordelia answers.  
  
Willow looks to everyone else. "So I guess this means Giles isn't coming?"  
  
"I guess not," Buffy says.  
  
***  
  
"At first it was fun, you know?" Cordelia says to Willow. "They seemed like they were in this really good mood -- not like parents -- and then ..."  
  
"Badness?" Willow guesses.  
  
They scan through the books, looking for something, anything, in reference to breaking a spell on mystic, turn-adults-to-teenagers candy bars. Xander doubts they'll find the subject listed in Trojakk's Demonology Concordance.  
  
"Mom started borrowing my clothes," Cordelia explains. "There should be an age limit on Lycra pants. And Dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom with old copies of Esquire."  
  
Xander comes to the table, bearing an armload of books. Not that they'll do any good.  
  
"I don't get this," he says. "The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton, and I don't feel any dif ..." he breaks off, seeing the girls stare at him. "Nevermind." Okay, so he's not Mr. Suave and Debonair Adult. They've got a point. He doesn't mention the extreme horniness that he's been drowning in since he started munching on the band candy. He figures it will go away soon enough, now that he's stopped eating it. He feels much more in control today, anyway. No need to bring up the whole embarrassing mess now.  
  
"Hey guys," Buffy says as she comes in. "I'm gonna need a little help. I've tracked the bad down to a warehouse, but I don't want to be going in there alone. Xander, I need you to come with me, just to watch my back."  
  
"You got it. Xander the back watcher," he says, nodding. It's not exactly a rare thing for him to help, but to be needed, well that's a different thing all together. "You got any idea who's behind all this? Some new player in town?" He can tell she does, and that she's mad about it. His first thought, strangely enough, is that it's Spike.  
  
"Ethan Rayne," Buffy grinds out.   
  
Well, he wasn't expecting that.  
  
***  
  
Buffy mentions an 'accident' involving her mother's car. Fearing for their safety, Xander drives. He doesn't ask how Buffy came to be in possession of Snyder's car, and in fact, he's not sure he wants to know.  
  
Giles is in the passenger seat, right beside him, and Buffy is in the back. She is restless and angry, ready to kick some ass. Xander thinks she may be disappointed that her enemy is human this time; no slaying. He tries not to think about it right now, because he needs to keep his mind on the road. There's no way he needs "crashed principal's car" to be a sin to answer for when all this craziness is over.  
  
Buffy yells for him to pull over at a street corner. She's spied a brawl on the sidewalk. She hops out to separate the men who are tussling with each other over some immature reason, and Xander thinks again that even *he* isn't that stupid.  
  
Giles lounges in the seat next to Xander, casually slumped. There's an air of entitlement and sensuality about him, and it's kind of disturbing how sexy it is. Giles retrieves a pack of smokes from his rolled shirtsleeve and takes out a cigarette. "Fag?" he asks.  
  
"What?" Xander squeaks. He fumbles with his words. "No! What? Why? No! Giles! What the hell?"  
  
"Call me Ripper," he says and grins, holding out a cigarette. "You want a fag?"  
  
Relieved, Xander shakes his head no. "No, no, um ... no fag."  
  
"You sure?" he says wickedly, and Xander gets the impression he isn't talking about cigarettes anymore.  
  
He swallows the lump in his throat and turns his attention elsewhere. "You think Buffy needs some help?"  
  
Giles -- no, *Ripper* -- lights his cigarette and takes a deep pull. He exhales cooly and glances over to where Buffy is trying to send the spelled men home. "Looks like she's got it. Hey," he says, turning back, "you wanna go grab a bottle of booze?"  
  
"I'm underage. Geez, man, I think I liked you better stodgy."  
  
Ripper snorts and readjusts himself in the seat, slinking down a bit more and kicking his knee against the inside of the car door. "Been acting like a tosser. Bloody hell, Xan, I've been dressing like my *father*. In *tweed*."  
  
Xander looks at him, taking in the white tee and blue jeans, the plaid flannel tied around his waist. "Yeah, it's kinda cool to see you out of those Watcher clothes."  
  
Ripper smirks knowingly.  
  
"Hey! Stop that, you're freaking me out! You know what the hell I meant."  
  
Ripper -- *Giles, this is GILES, here!* -- just grins wider.  
  
"Argg!"  
  
"Okay, guys," Buffy says, getting in and slamming the car door. "Let's ride."  
  
Grateful for the change in atmosphere, Xander starts the car again. "Hey Buffy," he says as they go along, "you think maybe me ... and, uh, Ripper here ... need some kind of weapons or something? I mean, is Ethan Rayne alone in this, or does he have some demons working with him? 'Cause as much as I like going up against tall, dark and creepy monsters with only my charm, wits and inadequate human strength going for me, a sword or a crossbow wouldn't exactly be cramping my style here."  
  
"Sorry, I didn't bring anything. We should stop by my house and grab a few things."  
  
"Buffy, that's a mile out of the way," Ripper points out. "We'll just pick up something on the way."  
  
"What exactly did you have in mind?" she asks hesitantly.  
  
"Pull over, Xander," he says.  
  
"Giles, what the hell are you doing?" she asks, more firmly this time.  
  
"We're going to get what we want. Right here." Xander parks the car in front of a martial arts studio.  
  
"What? No. No way. We are *not* burglarizing a dojo."  
  
Ripper shrugs. "It's for the greater good, Buff. And it's robbery."  
  
"Hey, I thought breaking and entering without anyone there is burglary?" Xander pipes in.  
  
Ripper gets out of the car. "Not when it's weapons you're lifting."  
  
Buffy gets out and follows him in a panic. "What are you doing? No! No robbery! No committing felonies, period! Giles, stop it!" she cries as he kicks the glass front window with his booted foot.  
  
The first two kicks yield nothing, but on the third the glass shatters and he jumps up and into the dojo.  
  
"God, Giles, this is the second store you've robbed tonight! The police are probably already looking for you, after you assaulted that one officer ..."  
  
"Now that first store," he says as he surveys the weapons displayed on the wall, "that first one was what you would call burglary. Destruction of property, too, if you want to get technical."  
  
Buffy throws her hands up. "I'm waiting outside."  
  
"That's a good plan," Xander jokes. "Be Ripper's lookout. I get to be the getaway driver."  
  
"Not funny. You know, Giles, the only reason I'm letting you get away with this is because we need the weapons. I could have knocked you out, you know."  
  
"I'm still the bloody adult here, Little Miss Chosen One, so shut your yap and let me grab some stuff."  
  
Buffy gets a cold glint in her eye and turns on her heel.  
  
"Silly little bint," Ripper mutters, then turns to Xander. "Alone at last," he says, his voice teasing, but his body language ... predatory.  
  
Xander swallows a lump in his throat and laughs nervously. "Yeah. You ... uh ... just grab the damn weapons," he says, and backs himself against a wall.  
  
Ripper stalks up to him, sure and cocky, until they are face to face. His hands shoot out to brace himself against the wall, effectively trapping Xander. "Think I see what I want right here," he says, his voice deep and rough. Xander feels his cock begin to stir, which is not only puzzling, but also highly disconcerting. This was a matter of willpower, of which Xander has to have at least a smidgen of. *Willpower, Xander, say it with me.*  
  
"You ..." he says, the word coming out shrill and broken. He clears his throat, and takes a breath, mindful of the close proximity of the body in front of him. Ripper leans in closer, his breath hot on Xander's face. Something is brushing against his hip, back and forth ... *Holy shit, is that Giles's dick? He's hard ... oh fuck, Giles is hard.*  
  
Xander's mind suddenly goes blank and his eyes close when Ripper shifts and moves his body so that they are crotch to crotch. He tries to remain still, but his body has other intentions. He's panting in short little puffs, unable to get any deep breaths into his lungs for some reason. He feels heat run through his body and fire licks wherever their bodies touch. He moves forward, just barely, but enough to press his now rock hard erection against ... *Giles's dick. ohgodohfuck.*  
  
He opens his eyes to see Ripper grinning at him evilly.  
  
"This," Ripper says. "I want this."  
  
Now Xander is impossibly hard. Someone wants him, someone who isn't shy about turning "wanting" into "taking". His heart slams in his chest in time to the blood pounding in his head. His cock twitches painfully, begging for more friction. He thrusts his hips and grinds his erection into Ripper's, and gets rewarded with sensation unlike any he's ever had before. He thinks he may come right there, fully clothed, pinned helplessly against the wall. He groans when Ripper thrusts his own cock against his, and he wants, he wants, ohfuckohFUCK! he wants. One of his hands began to reach up, to touch, to ask, to grab hold of something. His whole body screams for completion. Xander leans his head forward, involuntarily licking his lips.  
  
But then Ripper is moving away, and in his hands are matching short swords. Apparently they had been behind Xander on the wall. Ripper has been reaching for them the whole time; he was just looking to tease the boy as he did so.  
  
Xander blushes in shame and turns away. Holy fucking gods, he had been a hair's breadth away from *kissing* *Giles* and coming in his jeans.  
  
"What's taking you two so long?" Buffy calls from outside. "If that window had a silent alarm on it, the police are gonna be here any minute. Get your butts in gear and grab what you need so we can get out of here!"  
  
Well that at least gives him something to do.  
  
***  
  
"Hey, Snyder," Xander says Monday, as the principal walks down the school hallway. "Heard you had some fun Friday night. Have you come down yet?"  
  
"That's 'Principal Snyder'," he answers sourly.  
  
"And that's a big 'yep'." Xander stands in the hall with Cordelia, Willow and Oz. They are all pretty amused by the situation, but mostly relieved that they don't have to see Snyder try to be cool anymore.  
  
"You look like four young people with too much time on your hands," he says, once more exhibiting his authority like the tyrannical dictator he is.  
  
"Not really," Oz says.  
  
"Busy as a bee, actually," Cordelia says, smiling. "Bee-like!"  
  
"Good. It seems we had some vandalism Friday on school property, and I was just looking for some volunteers to help clean it up."  
  
"Yeah," Xander says, turning to his friends. "But remember we had that thing ... in the library ... that we promised Mr. Giles that we'd do?"  
  
"Thing?" Snyder asks.  
  
"Right! The thing," Cordelia agrees.  
  
"In the library," Willow adds.  
  
"Yeah. There was a card catalog involved, and some index cards ... and a hole punch," Xander says.  
  
Snyder narrows his eyes. "I'm sure Mr. Giles can make do with only one of you. I need the rest of you to clean this hallway. Just look at these lockers!"  
  
Realizing he just narrowly averted a long and messy cleanup, Xander swiftly walks away. Before he's out of earshot, he hears Willow's voice. "'Kiss rocks'? Why would anyone want to ... oh. I get it."  
  
Xander's feet automatically take him to the library, although it's actually the last place on earth he wants to be right now. Just the memory of Giles's -- Ripper's -- body against his, and his own actions and reactions to the older man, make his face flush bright red. He'll have to face him eventually, of course, but he's thinking maybe after graduation. In spite of these thoughts, Xander finds himself in the library anyway, and Buffy spots him before he can leave.  
  
"Hey, Xan," she says, and Giles looks up quickly. He turns away even faster, and Xander is comforted by the knowledge that he's not the only one embarrassed.  
  
"Hey Buff," he answers weakly, then steels himself. "Giles," he says and nods in greeting.  
  
The Watcher meets his eye and nods firmly as well. "Xander."  
  
There is an unspoken pact made in that. There will be no mention of anything that happened. Not in the car, not in the dojo, not ever. Xander is relieved more than he thought was possible. Though it doesn't help with all the little questions, and the even bigger questions, that have been swamping his brain all weekend. He wonders what it means, that he was so aroused by Ripper. Does it mean he has the hots for Giles? Talk about creepy. Shit, Giles is like a *father* to him. The thought is almost incestuous. Does it make him gay? He still likes girls, he's positive of that. Bisexual, then? Or had there been something in particular about Ripper that had attracted him?  
  
For now, he pushes all the questions away. He doesn't need to think about it, at *all*. He has a girlfriend, plus a secret... something... going on with Willow. Which needs to stop. Right away. As soon as he grows some balls, or willpower, or *something*.  
  
And we all know how great Xander's willpower is, right?  
  
*End* 


End file.
